Jean-Claude Van Damme Chats About His Seed’s “Liquid Cream Substance”
The “Muscles from Brussels,” Jean-Claude Van Damme, 48, talked with Sarah Ball from Newsweek about his new indie film called “JCVD” — and used the opportunity to hit on the young reporter, who was kind enough to share his awkward flirtations with us readers.
JC, for the record, is currently on his fifth marriage.
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Jean-Claude: I really opened myself up in “JCVD.” I peeled back the skin of the fruit, cut the pulp and then took that very hard seed. In this film I cut that hard seed, and inside that seed was a kind of liquid cream substance of the man I am, or the woman you are.
Newsweek Reporter: OK –-
Jean-Claude: It was like being naked — I would love to be naked in front of you.
Newsweek Reporter: Well, I –-
Jean-Claude: Not being naked being naked. I say such things in Hong Kong and they thought I was being a crazy Frenchman. Being naked of protection.
Newsweek Reporter: So you’ve no regrets at all?
Jean-Claude: Believe me — I’ve done very good stuff and very crazy stuff, and I don’t regret the crazy stuff. So are you in New York?
Newsweek Reporter: Yes, I am.
Jean-Claude: And are you 27, or 32?
Newsweek Reporter: I‘m 22.
Jean-Claude: Oh, f—. That is very young. Will you come to the premiere?
Newsweek Reporter: I don’t know. When is it?
Jean-Claude: I don’t know. You will wear all black, a black dress and high heels?
Newsweek Reporter: Uh –-
Jean-Claude: You can come find me, I will be the one with the very broad shoulders, dark hair and a simple suit. We can have some champagne, you and me.
Wow. Following is how the the interview would have proceeded if I’d had the pleasure of interviewing Mr. Van Damme:
Jean-Claude: I really opened myself up in “JCVD.” I peeled back the skin of the fruit, cut the pulp and then took that very hard seed. In this film I cut that hard seed, and inside that seed was a kind of liquid cream substance of the man I am, or the woman you are.
Candy: Oh, dear. Sounds like the fruit went bad.
Jean-Claude: It was like being naked — I would love to be naked in front of you.
Candy: Only if you do it while jumping up and down like a monkey.
Jean-Claude: Not being naked being naked. I say such things in Hong Kong and they thought I was being a crazy Frenchman. Being naked of protection.
Candy: Crazy Belgian, you mean.
Jean-Claude: Believe me — I’ve done very good stuff and very crazy stuff, and I don’t regret the crazy stuff. So are you in New York?
Candy: For the purposes of this imaginary interview, yes.
Jean-Claude: And are you 27, or 32?
Candy: Yes.
Jean-Claude: Oh, f—. That is very young. Will you come to the premiere?
Candy: I don’t know. Is there an open bar?
Jean-Claude: I don’t know. You will wear all black, a black dress and high heels?
Candy: I don’t know. You will walk the red carpet naked, and jump up and down like a monkey?
Jean-Claude: You can come find me, I will be the one with the very broad shoulders, dark hair and a simple suit. We can have some champagne, you and me.
Candy: I’ll bring the banana.
Tags: jean claude van damme
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