Don’t Break My Heart, Craig Ferguson

Many of you are aware of my longtime imaginary relationship with George Clooney.  However, what you don’t know is that I’ve been cheating on Georgie by crushing hard on Craig Ferguson for years — and now Craig has turned the tables on ME by getting hitched to a trollop named Megan Wallace Cunningham over the [...]

Rip Torn Ripped Yet Again

Now, I’m no doctor or anything, but something tells me Rip Torn may have just a teensy problem with drinking…
The costar of my favorite comedy currently on TV, 30 Rock, pleaded not guilty Monday to two counts stemming from a Dec. 14 drunken driving arrest.
For those who are counting, this is Rip’s third DUI in [...]

Important Science Update: Rumpologists Really Get Behind Study of Asses

I think we can all agree too much time is being invested in the cure for cancer, and not enough is being devoted to the study of asses, so thank goodness rumpology — “the art of reading bottoms” — is finally taking off!
Well, okay, Britain only has one rumpologist thus far.  But I’m sure once [...]

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